Fantasy opening and commentary

Fantasy opening

A girl lay sprawled on the floor, her head resting on soft blue grass and jet black mud with the consistency of powder. Her bright blue eyes framed with thick black lashes opened slowly; her eyebrows shot up in awe when she set her gaze upon the vividly green sky full of pink fluffy clouds. She rolled over on to her side with a smile on her lip and came face to face with a fast paced golden river to which she contemplated dipping her hand in to. She gave in to her desire, dipping her pointer finger in to the stream but hissed in pain as the ripples slashed in to her skin, mixing her blood within its goldness. She jolted back, confusion laced within her expression at the unnatural way they river behaved. The world as she knew it had been turned upside down, backwards even and nothing looked familiar to all of her eighteen years of memory of earth. It was almost like she had woken up in to another dimension, another world and everything she set her eyes on was new and different and she wasn’t sure whether that was necessarily a good thing. She pushed herself up from the ground and stood up, turning in a circle to gather in her surroundings.  

The girl had cocoa brown curly hair that reached her hips, full blushed lips and freckles dotted over her nose and cheeks. Her arms looked strong, and although she only had a short frame you could tell that she kept fit and healthy by the toned stomach which was covered by a black long sleeved camisole under a leather jacket, she also wore black jeans which showed off her slim legs and high top converses practical for running. Her facial structure and the expression constantly behind her eyes made her appear courageous and brave, and the way she held her self was with confidence. It was almost like she was stripped of her memory of how she got to this place, but the rips on her jacket and the cuts on her neck and face showed that she had fought to get there.  She didn’t let her initial confusion or the fear of the unknown phase her, as she assessed any more potential risks around her.

In the distance, the girl noticed something odd. She squinted her eyes at a blood red orb that was burrowed deep within the soils of the cold dark earth. With determination laced behind her eyes she took a brave step towards it.

Out of nowhere however, a delicate figure fluttered in front of her eyes and tapped her on the nose with its tiny finger. It had bright pink eyes and electric blue flowing curls tucked behind ears with pointed tips, and a small frame which was covered in a black lacy dress. Its lips were painted black and it wore no shoes, its feet were the size of the humans little finger nail.

“You can’t be here” it whispered, a terrified expression on its face.

 “Why not?” the girl asked back full of attitude, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Because you. Just. Can’t.” it’s eyes suddenly turned a deep red along with its cheeks, and the girl could see what looked like fire flickering behind it’s iris’s. It’s once delicate facial features turned bitter and its lips were curled upwards in a snarl. Realising her mistake at angering this little creature, the human stepped backwards and uncrossed her arms holding her hands up in a sign of peace.

“Okay I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to anger you. It’s just you see I have no idea where I am, I literally woke up five minutes ago with no clue what this place is. Could you please help me?” she whispered softly, afraid to add more to the little creature’s anger. It sniffed, looked away and took in a huge breath before turning its head back to the girl. Its big eyes had turned back to a pretty pink and it had an apologetic look on its face.

“Oh sweetie, I had no idea I’m so sorry. We’re going through a war right now so this wasn’t really the greatest time for you to fall in to Eridell. Your name is Frankie right? My name is Fen Silverweb, Ice fairy princess of the pixie people.” She bowed and held out her dainty hand, glitter shimmering around her as she moved.

COMMENTARY:

By starting off the first paragraph with the determiner ‘a’ and the noun ‘girl’  I am grabbing the reader’s attention, with anaphoric referencing making them wonder about this mysterious girl and making them wonder who is she? What is she like? In using a female protagonist the usual connotations are weak and dainty, needing a male hero to save the day. I have used the verb ‘sprawled’ to show tiredness and an unsettlement. I have used the adjectival phrases ‘soft blue grass’ and jet black mud’ to show how polar opposite this world is to earth, and that the protagonist is in somewhere other than earth. I wanted to show a sense of puzzlement but excitement at the dreamlike scenery by describing her with a ‘smile’ on her face, I wanted the reader to think that she felt as if she was still in a dream because ‘pink fluffy clouds’ is something people fantasise about, they also sound a lot like candy floss which has connotations with sweet and childhood. By describing the river as golden which has connotations with heaven and royalty, power an richness, I create positive imagery, but I then use the shock factor of when it ‘slashed in to her skin’ to show the reader that this world is completely different to earth and very unpredictable, by using the adverb ‘slashed’ I create violence and fear, which is polar opposite to the dream like ‘vivid green sky’.

I have given the protagonist an age to let the readers form assumptions on what her character should be like. Eighteen is young, not yet mature but I challenge the readers’ thoughts by my description of her in the second paragraph. I give her strong features which suggest maturity, that she acts older than her age and that she (although ‘only eighteen) she has a high maturity level. I’ve used the lexical field of strength and independence to describe her, which challenges the view that a female protagonist needs a male hero character to save her- ‘her arms looked strong’, ‘toned stomach’, ‘fit and healthy’,  shoes ‘practical for running’. The description shows her bravery and intelligence, ‘she didn’t let her initial confusion… phase her’, ‘assessed any more potential risks around her’.

I have described the sun as a ‘blood red orb’ to show that it has the appearance of a sun but is not as similar to it because it is ‘burrowed within the soils of the cold dark earth.’ This shows that the protagonist is in another universe, because the sun is on the planet in the ground rather than in space and this goes against the laws of science. I have used the adjectival phrase ‘blood red’ which is in the lexical field of anger, fire and death, but also passion and love. This shows the juxtaposition of this planet, because it has fluffy clouds but sharp golden rivers.  Fantasy is supposed to be unrealistic.

I have described the fairy as a delicate creature, in order to again shock the reader when her mood changed. In this opening I’m trying to challenge the stereotypes, making juxtapositions to get the reader to think more in depth and realise that this fantasy novel is not like any other stereotypical novel. I first describe the fairy with the adjectives ‘bright pink eyes and electric blue flowing hair’ to make her appear full of life and happiness. I later describe her mood suddenly changing using the adjective ‘red’ to describe her features, I  reference back to her delicate features and describe them changing to that of the adjective ‘bitter’ with  her lips ‘curled upwards in a snarl’. The verb ‘snarl’ gives her an animalistic appearance, wild even which is a complete contrast to when I used the verb ‘fluttered’ to describe the way she moved. This again adds to the unpredictableness of this planet and it makes the reader realise that they may not know what’s going to happen like they think it will.

I use the noun ‘fire’ to link with the imagery of the sun in the previous paragraph; this was done to maybe hint that the creatures of this land are controlled by the emotions of the sun and that they are somehow linked with it. This may be foreshadowing to when she will meet new creatures, will they have a temper like the fairy? I wanted to suggest that appearances can be deceiving and not to judge a person (or creature) based on what they look like initially.

I have started to show character development by getting the protagonist to apologise to the fairy, because at first she was headstrong and stubborn. I t shows her ability to change and adapt to her surroundings which also shows her intelligence especially where survival is involved. I have used ‘Eridell’ as a name for the place she is in, as it sounds unusual and mystical. I have also chosen the name Fen Silverweb for the fairy as this also sounds very fantasy based.

Blog entry and commentary

Blog entry

@sugarandspiceandallthingsfluff

Hey there again my furry friend lovers!

Yeah it’s me, I’m back! Lovely to be able to talk to you lovely people again. How’ve you all been? How’s your furry little friends doing? If any of you remember, a little while back I mentioned that my town might be getting their very own cat café! How amazing is that right? I know, some people are on edge about this idea, saying that it will be cruel and unfair to the cats, but I have a new update I thought you would all like! The people organising this cat café told us that the cats will be coming from an animal shelter and that they will be helping them to become fostered as well as being able to get the attention and cuddles from the customers throughout the process. Isn’t that lovely? They are trying to raise money in order to get this shop off of the ground and are looking for donators, they are giving out prizes to those who support them which I think is absolutely adorable. It really shows that they appreciate the help they’re getting! They’ve already reached £12,000, but are hoping to reach £25,000 in order to open successfully. If all goes to plan they say that they’re hoping the shop will be ready by summer time, and they are looking for volunteers and staff to join them soon. Click the link at the end of this entry to see what I’ve been raving about!

If you have any opinions you’d like to share with me, please do so in the comments below!

www.catcafesupport.co.uk

COMMENTS:

@Catlover65-wow this completely blows my mind. I’m so happy! Do you know where the cats are coming from? What shelter?

@sugarandspiceandallthingsfluff- they’re getting the little kitties from sunshine inn rescue shelter! So glad that you’re as happy as meJ

COMMENTARY:

I have used a username to show that I know what genre I am writing in, and have based my writing with the lexical field on animals to have a set theme to relate to my readers. As you can see I call my followers ‘furry friend lovers’ to show my calm and laid back attitude, making the readers more comfortable with me. By saying ‘I’m back’ it shows that I am aware of my large following audience, which portrays that my blog is quite popular(as you can see by the comment section). I have used facts and figures to show that I am knowledgeable and know what im talking about, which makes the reader feel more secure in what I am saying. I talk as if I am talking to a friend to engage my followers, making them want to interact with me and share their opinions to. I have used interrogatives to show that I am interested in what they have to say which shows that my personality is shining through my writing. I express my opinions to show that I am passionate about what I am talking about and I use the adjective ‘lovely’ to show that my feelings are positive.

I have created a comment section which also shows that I know the style I am writing in and I have used positive commenters as well as negative to show the diverse society we live in. I have also written a link to show that I am aware the blog is internet based.

Dave and Toph's relationship essay re-draft

How does Eggers’ present the relationship between him and Toph in chapters 1-5 of a Heart Breaking Work of Staggering Genius?

Eggers’ doesn’t introduce Toph until page eighteen, this could have been done to show how the responsibility was ‘sprung’ on him randomly and unexpectedly. Throughout the memoir, Eggers’ uses humour, his paranoia and selfishness to portray the type of bond and relationship he has with his little brother. I am going to discuss both brothers’ roles to show that they have a confusing relationship that they drift from parent and son, to brother and brother constantly throughout the memoir. Dave’s sporadically changing maturity levels confuse Toph, which has a detrimental effect on his mental stability throughout the memoir; some readers may think that by treating Toph as older than he is was so that Dave didn’t have to have the responsibility of another person, but it could also be that because Dave cares for Toph a lot he is trying to prepare him for the real world.

On one hand, Dave treats Toph as if he’s older than his age, telling him ‘You’re seven you’re perfectly capable of looking yourself’. By stating his age in a declarative sentence, Dave is enforcing his idea that Toph is ‘old enough’ to do things himself on to Toph, which could be an anaphoric reference to when Dave had to grow up fast because of their parents dying. By using the adverb ‘perfectly’ it may create a sarcastic tone in Eggers’ voice in the readers head, which is effective because some readers will make the assumption that Dave is a patronising parental figure in their brotherly relationship. Eggers’ repeats this technique two years later with another declarative sentence ‘you’re nine years old and I’m going to have to come over there and help you tuck in your shirt.’ Saying that Toph should be able to dress himself may also be another anaphoric reference to having to when he had to look after his mother, even though she was at the age where she would be able to look after herself, because of her illness she couldn’t and whilst saying this Dave could be reminiscing about the past. Dave even tries to make Toph the parent on some occasions, like when he said “wake me up” on the open house day, as the older sibling he should have been more organised but because he is trying to make Toph more independent he put the responsibility on him, thus making them late due to Toph being forgetful like a child. A second time he tries to get Toph to be a parent is when Dave gets kidney stones and Toph had to look after him just like Dave had to look after his Mother. Due to being treated older, Toph believes that he is older than he is, he says ‘what? I thought he was our age’ when with Dave and his friend followed with his own embarrassment.  Dave and Toph’s relationship always links back to their parents, and it has been severely affected, if not damaged by them both being orphaned at such young ages. They can both relate on a very big thing, but Eggers’ doesn’t show them talking a lot about it together, this is effective because what happened had such a large impact on their relationship that the reader doesn’t even have to see them talking to each other about it to know it’s always in the background.  

 Dave blurs the line between sibling and parent-takes things too far sometimes like a brother i.e. the knife scene, ‘’then I push him in to a bush’, and when he was irresponsible and took him to a nudist beach, but paranoia and worry of a parent is a mix of parent and brother because of ‘yeah we’ll look for another bat’ house hunting, getting a house but having one of the rules as ‘sliding ability floor’ which shows Dave’s personality as childish and not responsible. Additionally, Eggers’ suggests that Dave feels that Toph is a burden, that he is stopping him live his life like he should. This is shown in the quote ‘the usual euphoria-free!’ In terms of authography, Eggers’ uses italics on the adjective ‘free’ to express his extreme happiness to be out of the house with no responsibilities, as well as making it an exclamatory sentence. By using the adjective ‘euphoria’ which has connotations with a ‘drug high’ or ‘intense excitement’ this suggests that Dave wants to ‘break free from his chains’ of having to look after his little brother. However quite a few readers think that Dave still prioritises his brother over a lot of people, they gather this by his highly complicated list of what makes a good girlfriend, how Toph is included in that process- ‘of course Toph comes along’ ‘if she does not know how to talk to Toph… she is not seen again’. He doesn’t even feel happy when out with his friends, there’s always a ‘constant red/black worry’. The adjective ‘constant’ means that he always feels this way, which means that Toph must always be on his mind. The adjective ‘red’ has connotations with blood, injury, and the adjective black has connotations with shadows, darkness and death, this shows that Dave loves Toph and that he is terrified that he will lose him like he did with  his mother and father. He uses the less extreme noun ‘worry’ to describe his paranoia involving Toph’s safety, which could mean that he doesn’t want Toph to see him weak or vulnerable, that he has to be the strong one, the father figure that he himself lost out on when he needed it the most. Due to Eggers’ explaining about his threatening father, this may also be Dave trying to portray himself the way he wanted to be portrayed in front of his father. He also so desperately wants to be a better father figure than his own, and to show that he cares more than his own and this is why he watches Toph so closely- ‘his forehead is hot’.

To further this point, in reference to page sixty eight we see (or at least some readers see) that Dave really does care about Toph’s wellbeing, he wants to be his ‘protector’ and shield him from the bad in the world. This is show in the quote ‘might remind him of our father’s weight loss…I should work out’. ‘Weight loss’ is a symbolism of illness, which in their experience leads to death so Eggers’ uses the verb ‘remind’ to discuss his refusal to bring topics like that in to Toph’s innocent brain. This portrays his character as thoughtful and respectful of Tophs vulnerable mind, and gives the impression to the reader that he is a loving brother. His way of preventing the memories is to change himself and his body image. The verb ‘should’ shows that he is willing to consider this option, but whether he goes through with it is another matter. He also says ‘I have to present to Toph a body of exploding with virility, flawless.’ Eggers’ uses the declarative sentence ‘I have to’ to show that Dave takes this seriously. He uses the adjective ‘present’ quite formally, almost as if this was a mission, which to some may seem unnecessary but it shows his dedication to make Toph have faith in him and look up to him, to make sure that Toph doesn’t doubt that he will always be there for him and that unlike his parents he won’t leave suddenly. The noun ‘virility’ has a definition which includes the lexical field of strength, manliness and energy, which is what Dave wants to appear to Toph as so that he will want to follow in his older brother’s footsteps. The adjective ‘flawless’ means no imperfections, or defects, perfect but there is not a person in the world who can be this, so he is describing the impossible, a goal he simply won’t be able to reach. Which suggests in terms of their relationship, Dave wanting to be Tophs protector means that they have a strong bond.