Fantasy opening and commentary

Fantasy opening

A girl lay sprawled on the floor, her head resting on soft blue grass and jet black mud with the consistency of powder. Her bright blue eyes framed with thick black lashes opened slowly; her eyebrows shot up in awe when she set her gaze upon the vividly green sky full of pink fluffy clouds. She rolled over on to her side with a smile on her lip and came face to face with a fast paced golden river to which she contemplated dipping her hand in to. She gave in to her desire, dipping her pointer finger in to the stream but hissed in pain as the ripples slashed in to her skin, mixing her blood within its goldness. She jolted back, confusion laced within her expression at the unnatural way they river behaved. The world as she knew it had been turned upside down, backwards even and nothing looked familiar to all of her eighteen years of memory of earth. It was almost like she had woken up in to another dimension, another world and everything she set her eyes on was new and different and she wasn’t sure whether that was necessarily a good thing. She pushed herself up from the ground and stood up, turning in a circle to gather in her surroundings.  

The girl had cocoa brown curly hair that reached her hips, full blushed lips and freckles dotted over her nose and cheeks. Her arms looked strong, and although she only had a short frame you could tell that she kept fit and healthy by the toned stomach which was covered by a black long sleeved camisole under a leather jacket, she also wore black jeans which showed off her slim legs and high top converses practical for running. Her facial structure and the expression constantly behind her eyes made her appear courageous and brave, and the way she held her self was with confidence. It was almost like she was stripped of her memory of how she got to this place, but the rips on her jacket and the cuts on her neck and face showed that she had fought to get there.  She didn’t let her initial confusion or the fear of the unknown phase her, as she assessed any more potential risks around her.

In the distance, the girl noticed something odd. She squinted her eyes at a blood red orb that was burrowed deep within the soils of the cold dark earth. With determination laced behind her eyes she took a brave step towards it.

Out of nowhere however, a delicate figure fluttered in front of her eyes and tapped her on the nose with its tiny finger. It had bright pink eyes and electric blue flowing curls tucked behind ears with pointed tips, and a small frame which was covered in a black lacy dress. Its lips were painted black and it wore no shoes, its feet were the size of the humans little finger nail.

“You can’t be here” it whispered, a terrified expression on its face.

 “Why not?” the girl asked back full of attitude, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Because you. Just. Can’t.” it’s eyes suddenly turned a deep red along with its cheeks, and the girl could see what looked like fire flickering behind it’s iris’s. It’s once delicate facial features turned bitter and its lips were curled upwards in a snarl. Realising her mistake at angering this little creature, the human stepped backwards and uncrossed her arms holding her hands up in a sign of peace.

“Okay I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to anger you. It’s just you see I have no idea where I am, I literally woke up five minutes ago with no clue what this place is. Could you please help me?” she whispered softly, afraid to add more to the little creature’s anger. It sniffed, looked away and took in a huge breath before turning its head back to the girl. Its big eyes had turned back to a pretty pink and it had an apologetic look on its face.

“Oh sweetie, I had no idea I’m so sorry. We’re going through a war right now so this wasn’t really the greatest time for you to fall in to Eridell. Your name is Frankie right? My name is Fen Silverweb, Ice fairy princess of the pixie people.” She bowed and held out her dainty hand, glitter shimmering around her as she moved.

COMMENTARY:

By starting off the first paragraph with the determiner ‘a’ and the noun ‘girl’  I am grabbing the reader’s attention, with anaphoric referencing making them wonder about this mysterious girl and making them wonder who is she? What is she like? In using a female protagonist the usual connotations are weak and dainty, needing a male hero to save the day. I have used the verb ‘sprawled’ to show tiredness and an unsettlement. I have used the adjectival phrases ‘soft blue grass’ and jet black mud’ to show how polar opposite this world is to earth, and that the protagonist is in somewhere other than earth. I wanted to show a sense of puzzlement but excitement at the dreamlike scenery by describing her with a ‘smile’ on her face, I wanted the reader to think that she felt as if she was still in a dream because ‘pink fluffy clouds’ is something people fantasise about, they also sound a lot like candy floss which has connotations with sweet and childhood. By describing the river as golden which has connotations with heaven and royalty, power an richness, I create positive imagery, but I then use the shock factor of when it ‘slashed in to her skin’ to show the reader that this world is completely different to earth and very unpredictable, by using the adverb ‘slashed’ I create violence and fear, which is polar opposite to the dream like ‘vivid green sky’.

I have given the protagonist an age to let the readers form assumptions on what her character should be like. Eighteen is young, not yet mature but I challenge the readers’ thoughts by my description of her in the second paragraph. I give her strong features which suggest maturity, that she acts older than her age and that she (although ‘only eighteen) she has a high maturity level. I’ve used the lexical field of strength and independence to describe her, which challenges the view that a female protagonist needs a male hero character to save her- ‘her arms looked strong’, ‘toned stomach’, ‘fit and healthy’,  shoes ‘practical for running’. The description shows her bravery and intelligence, ‘she didn’t let her initial confusion… phase her’, ‘assessed any more potential risks around her’.

I have described the sun as a ‘blood red orb’ to show that it has the appearance of a sun but is not as similar to it because it is ‘burrowed within the soils of the cold dark earth.’ This shows that the protagonist is in another universe, because the sun is on the planet in the ground rather than in space and this goes against the laws of science. I have used the adjectival phrase ‘blood red’ which is in the lexical field of anger, fire and death, but also passion and love. This shows the juxtaposition of this planet, because it has fluffy clouds but sharp golden rivers.  Fantasy is supposed to be unrealistic.

I have described the fairy as a delicate creature, in order to again shock the reader when her mood changed. In this opening I’m trying to challenge the stereotypes, making juxtapositions to get the reader to think more in depth and realise that this fantasy novel is not like any other stereotypical novel. I first describe the fairy with the adjectives ‘bright pink eyes and electric blue flowing hair’ to make her appear full of life and happiness. I later describe her mood suddenly changing using the adjective ‘red’ to describe her features, I  reference back to her delicate features and describe them changing to that of the adjective ‘bitter’ with  her lips ‘curled upwards in a snarl’. The verb ‘snarl’ gives her an animalistic appearance, wild even which is a complete contrast to when I used the verb ‘fluttered’ to describe the way she moved. This again adds to the unpredictableness of this planet and it makes the reader realise that they may not know what’s going to happen like they think it will.

I use the noun ‘fire’ to link with the imagery of the sun in the previous paragraph; this was done to maybe hint that the creatures of this land are controlled by the emotions of the sun and that they are somehow linked with it. This may be foreshadowing to when she will meet new creatures, will they have a temper like the fairy? I wanted to suggest that appearances can be deceiving and not to judge a person (or creature) based on what they look like initially.

I have started to show character development by getting the protagonist to apologise to the fairy, because at first she was headstrong and stubborn. I t shows her ability to change and adapt to her surroundings which also shows her intelligence especially where survival is involved. I have used ‘Eridell’ as a name for the place she is in, as it sounds unusual and mystical. I have also chosen the name Fen Silverweb for the fairy as this also sounds very fantasy based.